


First Day Back V1

by NarglesOnHerTongue



Series: Masters of the Darkness [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Affectionate Insults, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Insults, Kinda, Levels in Badass, Master of Death, Out of Character, Prank Wars, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-17
Updated: 2015-02-03
Packaged: 2018-02-17 17:51:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2318120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NarglesOnHerTongue/pseuds/NarglesOnHerTongue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Teddy are Immortal, in the sense that Death has named Harry Death-Friend in lieu of killing him outright or naming him master, and Teddy has a dark object of nigh infinite power keeping him young forever.</p>
<p>In trying to research their new powers Harry and Teddy end up back in time in another reality.</p>
<p>One where they won't let Umbridge rule fifth year, or Dumbledore keep holding things back.</p>
<p>Can you tell Harry still has a grudge?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Purpose of a Grudge

The landing could have been more pleasant.

Teddy had landed on Harry and Harry had landed in a pricker bush. After five hours pulling out thorns, they scouted around.

"Britain, 1995, Wizarding universe." Teddy stated. "We now have a house and papers. We are Xander and Oz Peverell, American, came to Britsville to teach DADA at Hogwarts. I put in our applications, you would not believe how fast they were accepted."

Harry sighed, "Well, no Umbridge is always a good thing."

"Do you have a way to identify yourself to the mini-you?" Teddy asked. "Telling all doesn't work if he won't believe you."

"I do." Harry turned away.

"And?" Teddy drawled in amusement.

"That is between me and me." Harry quirked a smile. "Let's get settled. We need lesson plans."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Fifteen year old Harry sighed. He had wondered about a strange letter he had received all day.  
"Voldemort is building strength and has no attention to spare for raids or war moves, your greatest enemy now, you already know, is the establishment which won't admit he is back. Be smart, be Slytherin, Don't hand them weapons of any kind."

He would have payed no attention but the letter was on paper instead of parchment and the reverse side said something as well.  
"Today is going to be one of those days you shouldn't have gotten out of bed. Information is the most dangerous of weapons. Maybe you should have just gone to Brazil with that constrictor."

Harry knew that tone and those ideas very personally. Today he would stay in bed.

The dementers were just confirmation.


	2. Lesson Plans or Chaos Incoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day of class. Master of Death teaching DADA to himself.  
> What COULDN'T go wrong?

"I've got a lov-e-ly bunch of coconuts deedle-ee-dee." Xander (MOD Harry) and Oz (Teddy) were being stared at and with good reason.

"Alright everyone." Xander/Harry cut off Oz/Teddy's coconut song with no remorse earning him a pout. "Today is the first class, and that means that we are going to be getting to know each other! Now, I know we all hate normal ice breakers so here's the deal. Fights normally break out after insults so." He stepped away from the board, "Take one look at your books which Teddy has provided. Inside the front cover, Don't look there yet, is a number and a page of instructions. Without letting anyone, including your friends, see what's inside your book carefully peek and if you have an even number go to the left of the classroom, an odd number to the right. The books are identical save for the numbers and instruction pages, and have been given out randomly within each house."

"If you still don't know what this is about..." Teddy cheerfully skipped around helping people keep their number secret. "It's an Insult-Bee. An Insult-Bee is where we will be comparing unkind vocabulary and creativity. Line up do." He interrupted himself to have two neat lines roughly split and very obviously random. "We will get to the reason for secrecy later. For now the way this will work is," He turned to write on the board: 

1) The student at the front of each line will come forward  
2) Each will come up with a single insult regarding their opponent  
3) The teachers will score the insults based on accuracy, crudity, hilarity, and memorability.  
4) The winner stays the other will return to the end of the line.  
5) Ten House Points to the person to come up with the best insult

After the Insult-Off the students will turn to page 7 of their books (It's empty) and write down their top ten favorite insults used during the competition. (The teachers will record each insult used for reference)

Rules: 1) Insults regarding parents must be centered on the person being insulted and deliberately vague. We are seeking to offend them on their own behalf not anger them by centering the insult on non-present persons  
2) One insult can be multiple words but must only have one point  
3) You can re-use insults but the insults lose a point each time they are used

"Are we ready?" Harry smiled at the rows of shocked students. "Get it out of your system now because any insult over a certain point level used outside of this class will deduct ten points for inappropriate use of language."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Review with insults for the class to use or references to lists of best insults from media!


End file.
